I have a secret to tell you. I used to have a fear of commitment, what's even more shocking is that you may have one too, and it doesn't matter if you're single, married or in a long-term relationship because the fear of commitment is probably embedded deep within your subconscious. Usually disguised as a fear of intimacy, it hides behind an even deeper-rooted fear of being alone, unloved, rejected or abandoned. I didn't come to this earth-shaking revelation overnight, no, the light bulb didn’t suddenly go off. It was only after years of doing "the work," writing affirmations, creating vision boards, attending seminars and proclaiming to the Universe and myself that I was available and ready to meet my soulmate only to still find myself alone and drowning in a sea of lackluster, unavailable men. This was my "Relationship Rock Bottom." It was in that moment that the truth was finally revealed to me and I was willing to become painfully honest with myself and admit, "Houston, we may have a problem."
I was the only common denominator in this LOVE equation. The reflection standing on the other side of the mirror has always been and continues to be that of my own. Devastated, shocked and surprised I wanted to cling to my denial and defensiveness; there was no way that I could be emotionally unavailable when all I wanted more than anything was a relationship. But I was, mainly because I had a "Love Wound."
Most often, what keeps us stuck in "Relationship Groundhog's Day" is buried deep within our subconscious aka our "Love Wound." We all have hidden issues surrounding love, whether it stems from a traumatic childhood experience or simply confusion about a situation you witnessed but couldn't fully understand from the mindset of a child. It doesn't matter if you've had a "good" childhood vs a "bad" one, it doesn't even matter if you have a wonderful relationship with your parents or if you have a contentious and difficult one. What really matters is what you subconsciously learned about love. Through our past experiences, we end up holding onto energy blocks that contaminate our vibration from attracting the love and relationships we deserve and desire.
What this means is, your subconscious has been directing your love life all of this time without your permission trying to resolve the issues of your childhood. Simply put, you've got old stuff in your energy that's keeping you single and/or keeping you from attracting a partner that is (or becoming) fully available, fully present, and fully committed.
Which brings us to The Law of Resonance or The Law of Vibration. Just like the natural laws of the Earth such as The Law of Gravitation or The Law of Motion, there are also Universal Laws and/or principles that govern the spiritual universe. The Law of Resonance is a Universal Law that determines precisely what it is that you will attract into your life based on the dominant vibration of your thoughts, feelings, and actions either consciously or subconsciously.
This can be a hard pill to swallow at first. At least, it was for me. After my dark night of the relationship soul, you know the one I mentioned earlier? Yeah, that one, well let's just say this Type A personality dove into the deep end of healing. Fast forward several self-help books, therapists and relationship gurus later—and although, the quality of the men I met, and the quality of relationships had improved, I was still at the very core, attracting unavailable men. Talk about frustrating. I was meeting spiritually conscious men that were either "too busy" for a relationship or wanted to focus on "building their spiritual careers." So here I am, confused, perplexed and a little angry at the Universe because I've done everything from science to woo and still nothing. There was nothing more I could do but have a talk with LOVE itself. Yes, LOVE. I sat down one day and had a heart-to-heart talk with LOVE and simply surrendered. I let go of all resistance to being alone and gently asked to be guided.
“It is through our greatest weakness that we reveal our greatest strength.”
Enter the "Holy Grail" of love and relationships. Shortly after my talk with LOVE, I serendipitously stumbled upon the work of Amir Levine, M.D., an adult, child and adolescent psychiatrist and neuroscientist that has written an amazing book on Adult Attachment Theory. This time the light bulb really did go off! I began to devour any and everything I could get my hands on regarding Attachment Theory. I couldn't believe how everything instantly made sense, it was the aha moment I had been searching and waiting for all of this time, the missing piece to my love puzzle.
I have spent nearly a year researching and incorporating this work into my coaching practice. Adult Attachment Theory or what I refer to as your "Relationship Style" has completely changed my life and also drastically improved the lives of my clients.
We can only hold in energetic resonance that which we are, a sullied heart can only create sullied love. That means that once we heal and clean up our inner vibrations (which are our thoughts, feelings, and actions), we get to finally attract, create and keep the partner that is perfect for us. So we mustn’t be afraid to travel to the dark places of our hearts to fully heal and start loving from a higher more harmonic place. Remember, LOVE is waiting on YOU and when you change, the entire world around you changes, it is Universal Law.
If you would like to hop on a complimentary call with me to find out your "Relationship Style," you can do so by clicking here.